Catch Me Now Im Falling
by rosips
Summary: Remus thinks about being the last Marauder after watching Sirius die, title and lyrics from the Kinks song of same name


Catch me now i'm falling

This song just made me think of Remus, set just after OOTP (pretty obvious)

Is it a songfic – well I don't know the definition of one so make up your own mind.

Disclaimer – I don't own the characters, they belong to JKR

Lyrics from 'Catch Me Now I'm Falling' written by Ray Davies (the Kinks)

Remus stared at the bottom of the glass in his hand and then at the empty bottle of firewhisky at the side of him. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you looked at it- the bottle had been nearly empty when he'd opened it, so he was not nearly as inebriated as he'd wanted to become. The fact that he thought of the word inebriated rather than simply drunk was testament to that. The sun had slowly come up as he had sat in his silent vigil and shed a small amount of light into the kitchen, but it didn't really make a lot of difference, this was Grimmauld place and no amount of sunlight and Molly's cleaning could ever really make the place seem cheery. But Remus didn't mind, the gloom and darkness suited him completely. He'd sat there reliving the last twelve hours over and over again, the image of Sirius falling through the veil laughing was etched on his brain, no that wasn't right, it was more like a movie that was on a continuous loop. He was dead, James and Lily were dead, Peter was as good as dead and Remus had never felt so alone. In the background a small wireless was playing quietly as though it didn't want to disturb the silence

'I remember when you were down

And you needed a helping hand

I came to feed you

But now that I need you

You won't give me a second glance'

It was he that Sirius ran to, stayed with when Voldermort came back. Remus remembered being sat in his threadbare armchair reading a newspaper when he heard a bark, not just any bark, his bark, joyful and mischievous and just Sirius and Remus had opened his front door to be bowled over by a huge shaggy black dog with twinkling eyes. After laughing and pushing the dog off threatening to get out the Pedigree Chum, the dog disappeared and Sirius stood there eyes still twinkling and laughing, arms opened wide to drag Remus into a bone crushing hug. The two of them had stayed like that, laughing over meals together, watching silly films and just remembering the good friends they were. Remus quickly slipped in to comforter – protector mode. And they were friends. But where was Sirius now, did he know how much Remus needed him. How he ached for someone to comfort and protect him, anyone,

'I remember when you were down  
You would always come running to me   
I never denied you and I would guide you  
Through all of your difficulties  
I bailed you out when you were down on your knees  
So will you catch me now I'm falling'

Even at school he was the sensible one, the reliable one, the one who stayed strong while others lost their heads or broke down. Being a werewolf meant he had fantastic control over his emotions – some would say he was a control freak, others would say he was emotionally challenged; his friends would say he was Remus and then hug him. He hated to see his friends hurt and when he could do something about it he would. And they relied on this. They came running with problems and he solved them, no matter what the actual problem was Remus always had an answer and he would never turn them away. Ever. Many was the night when Sirius turned up at his house in the holidays after a row with his parents and Remus would simply sigh and make up the sofa bed in his room. And if he had a penny for the number of times James had woken him in the middle of the night with some far fetched scheme to win the hand of Lily, he'd be a millionaire, and yet Remus would never tell him to get lost like Sirius, or fall asleep again like Peter, but would listen and advise until James himself fell asleep. They all depended on him, looked to him, expected him to solve everything.

'When you were broke you would come to me  
And I would always pull you round…..  
I was the one who always bailed you out  
Of your depressions and your difficulties'

Then Lily and James died and everyone thought Peter dead and Sirius a murderer, and Remus' world crashed. He couldn't believe one of the gang had betrayed the rest, and he was alone. He got over it then, well as much as he could, until the night Sirius came back- back to stay. Then all the fun and Marauderness of his life that had been missing for thirteen years was back and more intense and Remus was happy, happier than he'd been in a long, long time. Of course it took a little time for Sirius to adjust to life outside Azkaban but they took things gently, Remus waiting patiently for Sirius to break his depressions and talk when things became too much. Sirius still needed him, there were times when he got him out of some very sticky situations that had Molly or Dumbledore found out about, well let's say they'd probably have chained Padfoot into a basement somewhere.

But now he really was the only one left, no surprise returns, nobody around to look after him, to look out for him. He was alone in a crowded house. They all thought they understood but nobody really did. Remus wiped the tears from his eyes, rinsed the glass under the tap and put it on the draining board, and the empty bottle in the bin. He climbed the stairs the wireless still playing

'Help me now I'm calling you

Won't you catch me now I'm falling?

I'm in your hands it's up to you

Won't you catch me now I'm falling?'

But there was no one to answer.


End file.
